Like many special needs parents, I have faced numerous challenges and obstacles in raising my child. However, one day stands out in my memory as the day I lost my breath.
Alisander was in the living room when I noticed that he was constantly stimming (flapping his hands) and blinking his eyes like he was in pain. He wasn’t crying but wouldn’t answer when I spoke to him. He was also walking in circles. The minutes that followed felt like an eternity. I can’t remember what I was doing or saying in reaction. I could only watch and ensure he didn’t bump into anything or hurt himself. Eventually, it stopped. Only then did I realise I was holding my breath, tense and anxious. When the episode was over, I was overcome with relief, gratitude, and a deep sense of fear – here we go, another unknown.
We eventually captured the next episode on the phone camera. We sent it to the doctor, who ordered a brain wave test called an EEG, which led to an MRI scan where Alisander was put under general anaesthesia – a story for another entry. He was diagnosed with epilepsy.
It got me thinking: what if another unknown happens again? How do I stay calm, and what can I do instead of holding my breath? I needed something to help me “in the moment”. So, I started reading about breath work, and that’s how I discovered the power of the Ujayi breath.
This type of deep, smooth, and controlled breathing technique is known as “ocean breath” because of the sound it creates, which resembles the sound of the ocean. The ujjayi breath slightly constricts the throat to create a gentle, whispering sound as you inhale and exhale.
One of my biggest challenges is constant uncertainty. There’s never a guarantee that things will go as planned, and I often feel like I’m just treading water, trying to keep up with the endless appointments, treatments, and therapies. There are constant demands on my time and energy. Getting lost in the hustle and bustle of it can be easy, and I often feel drained and depleted. But by taking a few deep ujjayi breaths and focusing on the present moment – I can find a sense of grounding and stability amid this chaos and the energy and motivation to keep going.
In short, my breath has become my source of bravery, my anchor in the storm. No matter the challenges, I can always find my strength and courage by taking a deep ujjayi breath and focusing on the present moment. So, if you’re a special needs mom (or anyone facing challenges), I encourage you to use your breath to find your bravery. You might be surprised at just how powerful it can be.
